


lovers

by softbebe



Series: always ends soft [14]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-17 13:39:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14833304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softbebe/pseuds/softbebe
Summary: There’s a moment of panic and a moment of relief – such huge relief, to finally just say it.





	lovers

**Author's Note:**

> Dang, I can't even remember the last time I updated this little series. But this part rounds out the angsty arc, and then there are only a couple more parts I have written that are much more upbeat. It was nice coming back to this after so long, hope u guys enjoy it too :)

The news breaks when they’re practicing – another idol couple has been found out, his company electing not to respond and hers confirming the relationship. Message boards flood with support for the both of them – and cursing, and insults, but it’s about equal parts support and that’s something that just wouldn’t have been the case a few years ago.

Jooheon’s just browsing on his phone during a water break, lets out an “Oh,” and then shows them all his phone screen. Reactions are pretty bland – more _Oh_ ’s and _Wonder how long that’ll last_ ’s and some one-shouldered shrugs.

Minhyuk watches Hoseok carefully – watches the pull of his eyebrows, the swipe of his tongue over his lower lip that betrays his discomfort, the way he picks at the fabric of his pants. He keeps his eyes lowered for the rest of practice.

Minhyuk tries to cheer him up, a hand on his back here, elbowing into his personal space there, but all he gets is a startled glance, a halfhearted chuckle. Hoseok looks like he feels heavy, performing their choreography in perfect harmony with the rest of them but somehow looking so _slow_ , like he’s battery-powered but one is out of juice and the other’s barely keeping a charge.

Afterwards, when his cheeks are pink with exertion and sweat dries in the tips of his hair, he retreats to his studio. Minhyuk trails him there.

“Hyung, let’s not do this whole avoiding thing. Please? Let’s talk about it.”

Hoseok doesn’t hold the door open for him, so Minhyuk has to catch it to follow him inside. It’s heavy, and thunks closed loudly behind them.

“It’s nothing,” Hoseok says. He goes around his chair, but instead of sitting down, grabs the back of it. A barrier between himself and Minhyuk. His grip is tight and his eyes are bright and pleading. “You know what it is. And I _know_ , I know what you’re going to say, okay? I know, so just, please, just don’t say anything.”

“Hyung,” Minhyuk says, and he’s really getting a little tired of this. He pushes the chair aside, takes Hoseok’s wrist and gives it a tug. “Hyung, so _what?”_

There’s something breathtaking in the way Hoseok stares him down. Jaw tight, every single line and slope and curve of his face drawn with pride. He looks, for a moment, like the surest person on the planet, but his pulse thrums in his wrist beneath Minhyuk’s thumb, and it betrays his nerves even more.

“So what if we can’t have what that couple has?” Minhyuk says, brushing his thumb over Hoseok’s pulse point. Hoseok’s teeth find his lower lip, mask starting to crumble. Minhyuk likes him better this way – when he’s soft and has his weaknesses. When he’s Hoseok, and not the Wonho he tries to be when things are tough and he needs an image to hide behind. “So what if we didn’t follow whatever set of steps you think we should have? Is there really that much of a difference? Does it really matter?”

The look in Hoseok’s eyes is chastised, but still challenging. He whispers, “It does matter.” _To me._

And Minhyuk sees in those eyes and that frown, and the pinching of the skin between Hoseok’s eyebrows, a fierce bit of stubbornness that isn’t going to budge. Stubbornness that _is_ Hoseok, that’s all his romanticism.

Minhyuk breathes out, then draws Hoseok to him.

“Of course it does,” he says, arms going around Hoseok. “That’s fine. It can matter. It matters.” He noses at Hoseok’s neck, hoping he wasn’t being too unfair. Hoseok isn’t hugging him back, is stiff and solid in his arms.

“Hyung,” he tries, pausing to press a kiss to Hoseok’s throat. Now he’s the one stuck feeling stubborn and not knowing how to voice what he wants to say. “I get that you picture things a certain way… but you get that we’re still here, right? Like…” He kisses Hoseok’s jaw, the lifts his head to meet Hoseok’s eyes.

They’re beautiful eyes, eyes that he loves, eyes that sometimes look at him like he’s the entire world and sometimes like they’re afraid that he’s some kind of dream that will fade right before them.

He takes Hoseok’s face in his hands. Right now, Hoseok looks at him like he’s the only thing that matters, and that makes his stomach and his heart and his ribs burn red hot. A bubble of nerves bursts in his chest at what he’s about to say.

“Hyung, we’re lovers.” There’s a moment of panic and a moment of relief – such huge relief, to finally just say it. So he says it again. “We’re lovers. Hyung. Hoseokie. Me and you? We’re lovers.” He lets out a breath, sort of a laugh, because Hoseok’s looking at him as though he just revealed some great secret. “Aren’t we?”

Hoseok nods and finally loops his arms around Minhyuk. They rest low on his back, and Minhyuk still has Hoseok’s face in his hands, is working hard not to take the easy route and kiss him and hope that says enough.

“I get why you want all that normal stuff,” Minhyuk whispers. He bumps his nose against Hoseok’s. “So do I. It’d be nice – it’d be really nice, in a perfect world – and I get that if it wasn’t me, you might be able to have at least some of it –”

“I’ve never thought that.”

“Okay, well…” Minhyuk licks his lips. “I _get_ it, okay? I really, really get it. But I’d rather just be happy with what I have. I’m _happy_. With you.”

But even as he says it, he knows that it’s not always as easy for Hoseok as it is for him. That being with Hoseok will mean having these days, sometimes one after the other after the other. But that’s okay. This is the Hoseok he cares about – insecure and unsteady at times, but no less for it.

He just wishes _Hoseok_ knew that.

He does something else that scares him, something that he’s never done outside of a hotel room or a bathroom.

“Baby.”

Hoseok’s head snaps back. His eyes are wide.

“Was that okay?” Minhyuk asks, ready to panic and backtrack and apologize and –

Hoseok nods quickly. “Yeah, but…”

Minhyuk swallows. Leans back in to rest their foreheads together. “Hey, trust me. All of this…” He drums his fingers against Hoseok’s chest, then just rests them there, over Hoseok’s heartbeat. Hoseok’s hand comes up to cover his, and for a second he chokes, unable to make a sound. He can only whisper, “I’ve meant it all.”

Hoseok squeezes his hand, warm, so warm. Everything hurts – Minhyuk’s chest, his eyes, his head, his arms. It’s a good pain, a wonderful one, but it’s so overwhelming that he’s afraid of its power, afraid of how much larger it will get, afraid of all the things it might make him do. But he wants to know, too.

Suddenly, he’s being pulled tight to Hoseok’s chest. Hoseok’s face is buried in his neck, and it’s wet with tears. Hoseok clings to him, crushing the air out of him and this hurts too, in that same beneath-the-skin way as the rest of it, frightening and invigorating.

It feels like tidal waves crashing over him, feels kind of like he wants to cry too. It’s so heartbreaking how much Hoseok feels sometimes, so heart-filling. All Minhyuk can do is cling right back.

* * *

He takes Hoseok home to an empty apartment, makes Hoseok eat some dinner while he goes to wash up. When he comes out of the bathroom, the living room and kitchen are dark, but the light is on in Hoseok’s bedroom.

Minhyuk smiles when he enters the room. Hoseok lies on top of his covers, eyes closed, knees drawn up and a hand curled in front of his face. He opens his eyes as Minhyuk approaches, closes them again when Minhyuk sits on his bed.

“Tired?” Minhyuk asks, pushing the hair off of Hoseok’s forehead. Hoseok hums an affirmative, deep and crackly.

Minhyuk lies down beside him, which earns him another peek from Hoseok, and then a smile hidden in the pillows.

“What?” Minhyuk asks, reaching for Hoseok’s face, trying to get Hoseok to show him his smile.

“Nothing,” Hoseok says, settling his cheek back against the pillow, smile still wide and heart-stoppingly soft. He wriggles around, working the cover out from beneath him and slipping under it. Then he tugs it from beneath Minhyuk with a little help, only to pull it back over Minhyuk as well.

And then he shifts closer, nudging their knees and toes together.

“This is new,” Minhyuk says. He’s amazed he sounds so normal. His heart has grown about five sizes too large. The pillow smells like Hoseok, the blanket smells like Hoseok; here he is in Hoseok’s bed.

“It’s smaller than a hotel bed,” Hoseok says. His eyes are glimmering the way they do when he’s bursting at the seams with happiness. It makes it actually hard for Minhyuk to breathe past all the love he’s feeling.

“I like it better than a hotel bed.”

Hoseok kisses him, soft and quick, before settling back to smile at him. Just smile and smile and smile, wiggling his toes against Minhyuk’s, who laughs.

“Stop,” Minhyuk complains, not meaning it at all. Hoseok just kisses him again, and doesn’t pull away this time, just rubs their noses together and lets out a sigh, shuts his eyes like he’s going to fall asleep.

And Minhyuk stays, content and comfortable, warm and fond. He kisses Hoseok’s forehead, his nose – and then his nose again, when it makes Hoseok giggle.

It’s delightful. His entire body tingles.

“Why’s your bed more comfortable than mine?”

Hoseok smiles cheekily, eyes still closed. “Because I’m here.”

Minhyuk laughs out loud. “Interesting,” he says, wriggling his body right up against Hoseok’s, hooking his chin over the top of Hoseok’s head. “An interesting theory.” He throws an arm over Hoseok, pulling him a little closer, enjoying the feeling of Hoseok’s body warm and solid against his.

“Are you testing it out?” Hoseok asks against Minhyuk’s chest, sounding like he’s a moment away from laughter himself.

“Mm-hm.”

“What do you think?”

“Hmm… No conclusion yet. Maybe I need to…” Minhyuk slides a thigh between both of Hoseok’s, feels the bounce of Hoseok’s laughter all through his body. “Yeah, that helps.”

“Now do you have an answer?”

“Yeah. I know what it is. It isn’t the bed.” He kisses the top of Hoseok’s head. “It’s you.”

There’s a sharp puff of breath against his collarbones – Hoseok trying to stifle his laughter.

“That’s what I said!”

Hoseok’s phone buzzes. He groans and rolls over to reach for it, untangling himself from Minhyuk, then rolls back after he’s read the message.

“They’re coming home.”

His voice is soft, his tone guarded. He bumps his nose into Minhyuk’s, who meets his eyes. Hoseok expects him to leave, but is still asking.

Minhyuk snuggles his face into the pillow and says, “I don’t care.”

So Hoseok moves in again, ducks down to nestle his head beneath Minhyuk’s chin. He settles his arm over Minhyuk’s waist and lets out a slow, deep breath.

He falls asleep quickly – Minhyuk can tell by the way the fingers that had been rubbing absently up and down his back go still.

Minhyuk, for his part, is awake when the front door opens. His back is to the bedroom door, but he can still hear footsteps approaching, and of course he hears the chorus of five voices filling what had been a quiet apartment.

He tries not to tense, and pretends to be asleep. Hyungwon calls something back down the hallway, but cuts himself off as he enters the room, the socked pad of his feet coming to a stop. Minhyuk keeps his eyes closed even though Hyungwon can’t see his face, and his breathing slow, his body still.

Hyungwon pads around quietly, and when he leaves, he turns off the light and pulls the door closed.

Minhyuk hears, just before the door clicks shut, “Shh, they’re asleep.”

Only then does he relax, lips in Hoseok’s hair and body giving in to the lull of shared body heat.

 


End file.
